The Seven Principles of Love (For Deep Self-Love & Lasting Relationships)
The Gottman Method identifies seven key principles that create healthy, lasting love. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, these principles begin with you—because the way you love yourself sets the foundation for every relationship in your life.
1. Know Yourself Deeply (Love Maps)
Before you can truly connect with someone else, you need to understand your own emotional needs, desires, and boundaries.
💡 Self-Love Practice: Write down three things you love about yourself and three things you need in a healthy relationship.
2. Practice Self-Gratitude (Fondness & Admiration)
Love grows when we focus on what’s good—not just in others, but in ourselves.
💡 Daily Reflection: Name three things you appreciate about yourself.
3. Honor Your Own Emotional Needs (Turning Toward, Not Away)
Connection happens in small moments. In relationships, this means responding to your partner’s emotional bids. But when you’re single, it means turning toward yourself—acknowledging your feelings instead of dismissing them.
💡 Ask Yourself: How can I be more emotionally present for myself today?
4. Rewire Negative Thought Loops (The Positive Perspective)
Your inner dialogue shapes your love life. If you assume the worst—“I’m too much” or “Love always ends in pain”—you’ll unconsciously reinforce those beliefs.
💡 Mindset Shift: Start asking, What if love is safe? What if I am enough?
5. Learn Healthy Conflict Resolution (Managing Conflict)
Your relationship with yourself sets the standard for how you handle conflict with others. If you’re always blaming or avoiding, it’s time to practice self-compassion and accountability.
💡 Next Step: When you make a mistake, replace self-criticism with understanding—just as you would in a healthy relationship.
6. Support Your Own Growth (Making Life Dreams Come True)
Love isn’t just about relationships—it’s about the life you’re building.
💡 Self-Love in Action: Ask yourself, Am I chasing love, or am I chasing the life that fulfills me?
7. Define What Love Means to You (Creating Shared Meaning)
What does love feel like to you? What kind of connection do you truly want?
💡 Journal Prompt: What is my definition of love, and how can I embody it daily?
💖 Final Thought:
Self-love is not just about feeling good—it’s about building the emotional foundation for the kind of love you truly desire. The deeper you love yourself, the healthier love you attract.
🌱 What kind of love story do I want to write?
Love isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about becoming the kind of person who attracts and nurtures deep, fulfilling love.
This Valentine’s Day, instead of focusing on what’s missing, focus on what’s growing.
Your heart. Your healing. Your future.
📝 Final Reflection:
What’s one belief about love I need to let go of?
What’s one way I can show up for myself today?
How can I choose love—starting with me?
This week, you’ve uncovered your patterns, your past, and the hidden blocks that have been shaping your love life. That being said — your love story isn’t over. It’s still being written, and this time, you get to decide how it unfolds.
💡 If you’re ready to break free from old patterns, step into self-discovery, and build deeply fulfilling relationships, join me for my upcoming workshop: Gottman Lessons in Love for Singles. This transformational experience will guide you through healing from your past, integrating Positive Intelligence, and applying Gottman’s Seven Principles for Singles—so you can finally create the love you truly deserve.
This transformational experience is designed for:
✨ Singles seeking clarity and deeper self-awareness
✨ Couples on the verge of a breakup, looking for answers
✨ Anyone post-breakup, ready to heal and move forward powerfully
Love isn’t something you chase—it’s something you understand, cultivate, and experience in a way that aligns with who you truly are. Let’s build the foundation together. Reach out if you’re ready to take the first step toward rewriting your love story.
🔗 Book a 1:1 discovery call to learn more about the workshop; or
📩 Send me an email to Reserve your spot today!
💖 Your next chapter starts now. Are you ready?
📩 Let’s work together:
🔗 Join my community for deeper insights
🔗 Subscribe for exclusive relationship guidance
✨ Your love story is still being written—make sure you’re holding the pen.
Your Love Reflection Exercise: Rewriting Your Love Story
Love isn’t just about relationships—it’s about the stories we tell ourselves. The way we see love, the way we experience it, and the way we allow ourselves to receive it are all shaped by our past. But the truth is, you have the power to rewrite your love story.
📝 Grab a journal, find a quiet space, and answer these questions with honesty and self-compassion.
Step 1: Uncover Your Love Patterns
Think about your past relationships (or the relationship you desire). What patterns do you notice?
What is one belief about love that has held you back? (e.g., Love is hard. I have to earn love. People always leave.)
Where do you think this belief came from? Was it something you experienced in childhood or a past relationship?
Step 2: Redefine Love on Your Terms
What kind of love do you truly want to experience? Describe it in detail.
How would it feel to be in a relationship that is emotionally safe, fulfilling, and deeply connected?
What are three things you can start doing today to become the kind of person who attracts that love?
Step 3: Create Your Love Affirmation
Write a statement that reflects the love you are choosing to believe in moving forward. Make it powerful. Make it yours.
💡 Example: I am worthy of deep, fulfilling, and secure love. I attract relationships that honor and uplift me. Love is safe, and I allow myself to receive it fully.
Step 4: Take One Bold Action
Now that you’ve reflected, take one small step toward the love you desire.
🌱 Ideas:
If you struggle with self-love, commit to one daily act of kindness toward yourself.
If you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, set a boundary and stick to it.
If you fear vulnerability, have an honest conversation with someone you trust.
💖 Love starts with you.
The way you speak to yourself. The way you show up for yourself. The way you choose to break old patterns and create something new.
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