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Confronting My Restless Saboteur: A Journey from Fear to Love

Updated: Oct 29, 2023

We all have an inner voice, a guiding force, that often shapes our decisions, emotions, and actions. For some, this voice can be nurturing and supportive. For others, it might be the embodiment of self-doubt. In my journey, I came face-to-face with my own inner voice: the restless saboteur.

The restless saboteur is that persistent whisper encouraging you to run away, to escape the very situations and emotions that demand confrontation. It’s the deceptive entity that convinces you to evade dealing with fears, anxieties, and painful feelings. It masquerades as protection but ultimately keeps us from genuine connection and growth.

I used to push away anyone who came close, building walls around my heart so formidable that the idea of someone breaking through felt like a distant dream. Yet, beneath this behavior, my restless saboteur thrived. Each time I retreated from vulnerability, it congratulated me on another successful evasion. The true irony? Beneath it all, my heart yearned for someone to see past these barriers, to persist, to truly understand and care.

Then I met someone, a partner with a secure attachment style. Unlike the others who might've allowed me to run, he refused to let me escape. Instead of turning away, he offered a hand and encouraged me to heal, to confront the root causes of my attachment fears. It was a transformative moment, the kind of relationship dynamic I'd never experienced before.

With his unwavering support, and my daily practice of Positive Intelligence Quotients (PQs), I began a transformative journey. I learned to pause, to breathe, to go inward, and truly connect with my innermost feelings. This introspection allowed me to discern the genuine voice of my intuition from the deceiving whispers of the restless saboteur. Slowly, decisions started coming from a place of clarity, a sage mindset, rather than being clouded by past fears and insecurities.

Love, as beautiful and uplifting as it is, can also bring to the surface some of our deepest insecurities and fears. When relationships deepen, when vulnerability becomes inevitable, the restless saboteur often springs into action, convincing us that escape is the only solution. It's the voice that tells us, "It's safer to be alone," or "They'll leave anyway, better push them away first."

But recognizing this saboteur is the first step to breaking its influence. Awareness provides power. By understanding the strategies and tactics of our internal saboteur, we can begin to challenge its perspectives and reclaim control of our emotional lives.

Confronting my own restless saboteur wasn't easy. It required deep introspection, acceptance, and a genuine desire for change. But with every confrontation, the voice grew weaker, the walls lowered, and genuine connections formed.

For anyone reading this, remember: it's okay to seek support in confronting your inner voices. Whether it's through therapy, coaching, or simply confiding in trusted friends, opening up can illuminate the path to genuine, fulfilling relationships.

And to the restless saboteurs out there? Your time is up. We're learning, growing, and reclaiming the love we deserve.

Here are some exercises that will help you connect deeply with yourself to strengthen your relationships and cultivate a positive mindset (keep in mind, the journey towards self-love and understanding is ongoing, and these exercises can serve as stepping stones on that path).

1. The Self-Reflection Journal

Purpose: To understand and recognize patterns in behavior and feelings.


Take a few minutes at the end of each day to jot down moments when you felt strong emotions, both positive and negative.

Next to each, write down what triggered this emotion. Was it a comment from a partner? A particular situation at work?

Over time, you'll begin to see patterns in your triggers, giving you insight into areas where healing or growth is needed.

2. The Gratitude Jar

Purpose: To cultivate an attitude of gratitude and positive thinking.


Find a jar and keep it in a place you see often.

Every day, write down one thing you're grateful for on a small piece of paper and put it into the jar.

Whenever you're feeling down or overwhelmed, take out a note from the jar and remind yourself of the blessings in your life.

3. The 'In Their Shoes' Visualization

Purpose: To foster empathy and deepen your connection in relationships.


When in a conflict or misunderstanding with someone, find a quiet place.

Close your eyes and visualize the situation from their perspective. Imagine their feelings, fears, and motivations.

This exercise can help you approach conflicts with more understanding and compassion.

4. The Saboteur and Sage Dialogue

Purpose: To differentiate between negative self-talk and your true, wise self.


On a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle.

On the left, jot down any negative self-talk or 'saboteur' thoughts you have during the day.

On the right, counter each with a positive affirmation or 'sage' perspective.

Over time, this practice can help rewire your brain to think more positively and rationally.

5. The Breath Awareness Practice

Purpose: To ground oneself, especially when feeling anxious or overwhelmed.


Sit in a comfortable position.

Close your eyes and take deep, measured breaths.

Focus entirely on the sensation of breathing – the rise and fall of your chest, the cool air entering your nose, the warmer air leaving your mouth.

If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath. Even just a few minutes of this can help center you.

6. The Positive Affirmation Mirror Talk

Purpose: To enhance self-worth and confidence.


Stand in front of a mirror, looking deeply into your own eyes.

Speak affirmations that resonate with you. For instance, "I am worthy of love and understanding," or "Every day, I grow stronger and more resilient."

The mirror reflects not just your physical self, but the truths you speak to your soul.



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